It was quite the struggle bringing the idea of a child to fruition. As much as we tried, my wife and I just were not given the right equipment to make it happen naturally ;) We sought the assistance of some fantastic specialists and after many years of physical and emotional stress, we were overjoyed to bring our son into the world. He was born on President's Day and with a name like Jackson Daniel Hamilton, we decided we had a future President on our hands.
Several years ago I read of the vivid dream that Buddha's mother had one evening. One night, while asleep, the Buddha's Mother, Queen Maya, had a dream that she was being carried away by four devas to Lake Anotatta in the Himalayas. After bathing her in the lake, the devas clothed her and anointed her with perfumes and flowers. Soon after, a white elephant, holding a white lotus flower in its trunk, appeared and went round her three times, entering her womb through her right side. When the queen awoke she knew she had been delivered an important message, as the elephant is a symbol of greatness. According to Buddhist tradition, the Buddha-to-be was residing as a Bodhisattva, in the Tusita heaven, and decided to take the shape of a white elephant to be reborn on Earth for the last time.Now, I'm no Virgin Mary or Queen Maya - far from it - but this story resonated with me. By the time I read the story of Buddha's Mother, we had received Jackson's diagnosis. We were still learning about Fragile X but I knew enough at the time to know that we did not, in fact, have a future president on our hands. We love our son and have very high hopes for him, but a serious political career is not one of them.
Over the years I have felt more and more connected to this story and validated in my odd, youthful premonition. Jackson is the most amazing human being I have ever known. Sitting in the lobby yesterday at the Community Center, I watched through the glass as he had his private swimming lesson and I broke down into tears. Watching the pure joy on his face, knowing we are giving him every opportunity to experience the world, watching how hard he was working and loving every minute of it was just emotionally overwhelming. I couldn't be more proud to be someone's Mom.
There are lots of babies around these days. My brother and his wife just welcomed their first child, my best friend is expecting her first in October. We tried desperately to expand our family over the years with no success. With each pregnancy or birth announcement there comes a bitter sweet twinge of jealousy. Don't get me wrong - I am so happy that the ones I love get to experience this crazy roller coaster called parenthood - but until recently I still very much wanted it to be our turn again.
After watching our amazing son in the pool yesterday and seeing how profoundly he has affected so many lives in the first 6 short years that he has been on this earth - I know now, without a shadow of a doubt, that everything is exactly as it should be. I am content with my gifts.
